


Three Little Words

by audeamus22



Category: The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Self Harm, TW: Self Harm, fairly graphic mentions of self harm, no seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-26
Updated: 2014-03-26
Packaged: 2018-01-17 02:41:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1370947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audeamus22/pseuds/audeamus22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It only took three little words to send shivers down Aidan's spine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Little Words

**Author's Note:**

> Please note the warnings. There is a lot of mention of self harm here! Please don't read if it's a trigger for you. I also want to make this clear; this is very personal to me. There are so many ways to deal with these feelings you get. And sometimes you don't deal with it in time. This is just how I sometimes cope, or at least try to...
> 
> This work is unbeta'd and quickly posted after typing it up so I don't lose my nerve. Please be kind.

_Talk to me._

 

Those three little words plastered against his phone sent chills down Aidan’s spine. He knew what those words were saying, and every time he saw them, all he wanted to do was rush to his friend, maybe lover, and hold him close. But he couldn’t. He could only reply.

 

 _I’m eating_ the _best beef stew right now_.

 

Aidan quickly texted back, gnawing at his bottom lip as he paced his living room, waiting for a reply. It took a while, _too long_ , for the reply to come.

 

_Oh yeah?_

 

Good. This was good. Aidan slipped his shoes on, getting ready in case he would be allowed over.

 

 _Yeah man, made it myself and everything_.

 

He shot back another text quickly, Aidan knew he had to keep him talking, keep him busy. He quickly threw a jacket on as he stared at his screen, this reply came faster;

 

_Don’t believe it._

 

It was another simply message, short, but reassuring.

 

_You better! Want to try some? I can bring it over?_

 

This was it. Make or break. It felt like forever before his phone showed that Dean was finally writing his reply. Seconds seemed to stretch on by before finally;

 

 _Okay_.

 

Aidan wasted no time, he quickly pulled some food from the fridge, snapped up his keys and was off. He barely paid any mind to the speed limit as he raced towards Dean’s home. He had a very narrow window of time to make it there and he had to hurry, eyes darting back to his phone every few seconds, silently freaking out over what he would find when he got to Dean’s house.

 

-                             -                             -

 

The first time Dean sent Aidan the text, Aidan wasn’t prepared. He didn’t know how to handle the situation and immediately called Dean and rushed over without invitation. That had been a huge mistake. Dean had simply shut down and shut him out. Now though, Aidan had all but perfected his technique for helping Dean.

His best friend had been suffering in silence for many years, having also worked through the filming of The Hobbit for months before Aidan had found out. The young actor felt like he was out of his depth, but he did all he could to learn how to help.

It had started when Aidan first noticed the feint scars that littered Dean’s arms, barely visible but there. Aidan wasn’t really thinking at the time, he had just reacted out of instinct.

“What happened here?” Aidan had asked sincerely, his thumb gently rubbing against the slightly raised scars.

Dean had only snatched his arm back, holding it close to his body as his eyes darted back and forth to avoid meeting Aidan’s.

“They’re nothing, just old scratches,” he mumbled back.

Aidan held his tongue, looking around the crowded set with sudden realisation. “Come back to my trailer later?” Aidan had asked softly.

Dean hesitated but eventually nodded, the older man obviously weighing up his options before coming up with a decision. The blonde had spent the time before he was due to meet up with Aidan pacing the small length of his trailer. Worrying his lip and tugging at the woollen sleeves of his favourite jumper. When he finally worked up the courage to walk to short distance to his friend’s trailer, Dean still didn’t know what to say or do. Barely anyone ever noticed, and fewer ever remarked on his scars. He was ready with more lies, but it just didn’t feel right saying them this time.

He had spent at least a minute by the door until Aidan gave in and finally opened the door himself, not waiting any longer for the knock he wasn’t sure was ever going to come.

“Aidan I-” Dean tried, Aidan cutting off whatever he was going to say by enveloping him in a large hug, pulling the shorter man in at the same time.

“I don’t need to hear specifics, I just… I want you to know I’m here for you man, and when you’re ready, I’ll be here to listen,” Aidan simply said, curling Dean in close, feeling the blonde’s hold on him tighten.

Dean stayed in Aidan’s arms for a long time, neither man speaking until he finally broke away with a wavering sigh. He didn’t move very far, Aidan’s hands only dropping to the other’s slim waist.

“I… I’m trying to get better..?” Dean spoke, so softly, as if unsure that he was.

“I’m sure you are babe, but now you don’t have to do it alone, okay? I’m here for you, and I always will be,” he replied, placing a careful kiss to Dean’s forehead.

Dean sighed once again, finally looking up and meeting Aidan’s eyes. “Can… Can I kiss you?” Dean asked hesitantly, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Aidan only nodded, bowing his head slightly as their lips touched gently. They had been building up to this moment for so long now, and now that there was nothing between them, Aidan thought they would finally be able to be together properly. But things didn’t work out so easily.

It wasn’t as easy as the younger man thought it would be, to help Dean out of his lows. But ever so slowly, things were improving until one day Aidan returned earlier than expected. He caught Dean doing his ‘clean up’ routine. This was different, different to seeing the old scars or seeing the conflicting emotions run across Dean’s face as he fought off his inner demons. There it was, his collarbone now marred with long clean lines running red over his delicate skin. Aidan’s heart clenched.

“Oh Dean! Babe!” Aidan cried, rushing to his lover before stopping right in front of Dean, holding his face between his two hands. “Why?”

_Why now, why didn’t you call me, text me, just… why?_

Dean only looked away, eyes downcast in shame.

Aidan didn’t push, he simply picked up the warm cloth Dean had been using, now stained red, to wash the cuts and meticulously finished the job for Dean. He took his time cleaning everything, whispering ‘you’re okay, it’s okay, we’re okay,’ over and over again.

Dean simply allowed Aidan to do so in total silence. Never having had anyone see this side of him firsthand before, and yet here Aidan was. _Not screaming at him or running from him_ , but simply helping him. He honestly never expected that kind of a reaction from anyone in his life.

When Aidan finally finished, he dragged Dean back to the bedroom and lay them down together. They hadn’t gone any further than simple shared kisses between them, neither man really knowing what to call their relationship up until this point, but this was different.

“Dean… Next time… Will you… Do you think you could maybe talk to me first? I don’t know… message me or something…?” Aidan finally spoke after a long silence.

“I’m sorry…” Dean all but sobbed.

“Don’t be sorry Deano. Look, how about this, just remember I’m always here if you need to talk okay? Before, during or after. About anything…”

“Mmkay,” Dean whispered back tiredly. “I’ll just ask you to talk to me then,” He finally suggested, eyes drooping shut.

“Yeah… Yeah that sounds good.”

From then on, if Aidan saw those three words on his phone, in his email or whispered to him, he knew Dean was struggling. He just never knew if it was Before; maybe arriving to Dean just toying with the idea, only feeling the need to harm himself but not actually acting upon it. During; the blood still fresh against his skin, a stunning red against the pale white. Or After; Dean tired, cleaned and bandaged by himself, tears still running down his face because he had failed once again.

 

-              -              -

 

Tonight, Aidan sincerely hoped he’d get there before (like ever time this happened when he wasn’t around). Dean had been so good lately, it had to have been at least a couple of months of Dean being clean. Aidan could only wonder what could have tipped Dean over the edge this time.

Aidan slowly let himself into Dean’s small home, silently shutting the door behind him.

“I brought food,” he called out, however leaving it on the kitchen counter as he made his way through the dark house to the only source of light, the bedroom. “Dean?” Aidan called out again, not wanting to scare the other man.

He found Dean sitting up leaning against his bed’s headboard, a small metal blade twirling innocently between his fingers, tears threatening to overflow as he intently stared at the sharp object in his hand.

“Hey Love, wanna hand me that?” Aidan started hesitantly, gulping down the fear he was feeling.

Dean barely reacted, but allowed Aidan’s fingers to quickly snatch up the offending object and moving it far away for now. He’d remember to deal with it later. Aidan moved to sit beside Dean, above the covers with his legs crossed, mirroring Dean’s position on the bed. He left his hands on his knees, palms out and open for Dean to take when he was ready.

“So… I brought the stew, I can’t believe you thought I was lying about having made it myself,” Aidan started, just talking to the other man.

Dean continued to stay silent, but a small quirk of his lips and Aidan knew he was listening, so he continued. He spoke about whatever popped into his head, from food to killer bees and everything in between.

“I… I didn’t do anything… I texted you first,” Dean finally spoke up during a small lull in Aidan’s monologue with a hint of pride in it. His hand coming up and latching onto Aidan’s, revealing the undamaged arms.

“Thank you. I’m glad you did, and so proud of you…” Aidan started. “Do you want to talk to _me_?” he tried.

Dean hesitated, something was obviously bothering him a lot tonight, his fingers clenching and unclenching in Aidan’s hand.

“I…” Dean began, drawing in a deep breath before letting it out shakily. “I’ve wanted to say something to you… have been for a while but I’m scared. I don’t know how you’ll react…”

“There’s nothing to be scared of Dean, you can tell me anything,” he quickly answered genuinely.

Dean slowly met Aidan’s eyes, building up the little courage he felt he had inside him…

“I love you…”

And with those three little words, new shivers ran up Aidan’s spine, but this time for an entirely different reason.

“Oh Dean. I love you too, God, so much!” Aidan smiled, snaking his arm around Dean’s shoulders and kissing the blonde.

They weren’t perfect. Far from it in fact. But together they would try.


End file.
